Your Feelings Are Here For A Reason

Written by Lauren Helm, Ph.D.

There are multiple theories about what emotions are, and why we have them. Whether or not we have full certainty regarding the nature and purpose of human emotion, they without a doubt continuously color our daily lives, creating a rich tapestry of felt experience. Sometimes dully present in the background, and at other times potently grabbing our attention, without them, there is no doubt that the human experience would be dramatically different. Without them, human beings may not exist.

The Purpose of Emotions: An Evolutionary Perspective

It can be helpful to think of emotions as signals that alert us (and others) to what we might need in that moment. Emotions are much more complex than just that, of course (for example, psychologists commonly understand emotions as cognitive, affective, and physiological changes, as well as behavioral urges). However, it is thought by evolutionary psychologists that emotions serve an important function or purpose that has helped keep human beings alive: they help organize and motivate behavior based on the demands of the environment or situation. Emotions act as signals because they direct our attention to important information about the state of our inner and outer environment, and automatically create an impulse to respond in a way that is intended to ensure our basic survival needs are met.

The Purpose of Pleasure & Pain

How exactly do emotions guide us? To better understand this, it helps to think about how both pleasure and pain influence us. Pleasure and pain are fundamental and essential aspects of being alive. Generally speaking, pleasure and pain can be both physical and emotional. Physical and emotional pain actually overlap quite a bit because of the way the brain works. 

Usually, pleasure and pain urge us to respond in particular ways when we feel them. Let’s say you touch a hot stove, and feel the searing pain of the hot stove on your fingertip. The physical pain will almost certainly prompt you to immediately remove your finger from the stovetop as quickly as possible to stop or reduce the pain. Generally, when something is painful, we are powerfully driven to stop or get rid of the pain by escaping whatever might be causing it. Usually physical pain is caused by physical damage or danger to the integrity of the organism. As you and I well know, physical pain is a powerful motivator for immediately avoiding or escaping danger. Without physical pain, we may continue to expose ourselves to harmful or life-threatening situations.

Conversely, physical pleasure guides us to pursue more of whatever is the source of our pleasure. We are naturally reinforced for engaging in certain behaviors that feel physically pleasurable, and that often meet important base-level survival needs. For example, we are drawn to foods that are filled with energy-dense sugars and fats, sex that leads to procreation, and temperate and comfortable environments that are gentle on our bodies and abundant in necessary resources.

Avoidance and Approach Behaviors

In many ways, emotional pleasure and pain can be thought of as serving a similar evolutionary function to physical pleasure and pain. Similar to physical pain or pleasure, pleasant and unpleasant emotions often urge us to engage in variations of “avoidance” or “approach” behaviors that guide us towards safety and away from possible harm.

In other words, “negative” or unpleasant emotions tend to naturally urge us to avoid or escape whatever might be causing them; if we feel emotionally uncomfortable, we want to get rid of that discomfort or avoid experiencing it again in the future, and we take actions to do so. From an evolutionary perspective, this makes sense, because if “bad” feelings come up in us when something potentially dangerous or harmful happens, we will naturally be motivated to get away from that harmful stimulus.

For our primal ancestors, events that caused them to feel emotionally “bad” or distressed typically could or would quite literally hurt or kill them if not avoided or escaped. Imagine how it would feel to have to contend with lions, tigers, snakes, bears, wolves, or other frightening predators. Likely, you would feel a mixture of very unpleasant and intense emotions, such as panic or fear, or maybe even anger, that would pretty immediately urge you to run away and escape, or to aggressively fight back. You likely would not have to think twice about it – you would automatically and immediately engage in these avoid and escape survival behaviors. And thank goodness for emotional and behavioral responses such as these.

On the flip side, “positive” or pleasant emotions tend to naturally urge us to approach, or move towards, the situations that we experience pleasurable feelings from. Human beings are often very strongly motivated to feel “good” or “happy.” Positive emotions powerfully urge us to engage in certain behaviors, and they also reinforce whatever actions we engage in that lead us to feel emotional pleasure. Typically, positive emotions tend to lead us to engage in “approach” type behaviors, which means that we approach, or seek more of, the stimulus or situation that caused us to feel positively. If something makes us feel good (or great!) we tend to try to do things that will increase the amount of pleasure or good feelings we are having in that moment, or that will recreate the experience again in the future. This also makes sense from an evolutionary perspective, as things that give us pleasure or feel good often may signal to us that our basic needs may be met. For example, the experience of falling in love is usually an intense emotion that feels incredible and ecstatic, and leads us trying to secure the time and attention of the person who is the focus of our affection. We are social animals, and positive emotions that come from relationship help motivate us to stay connected. This has a survival advantage, because when we are on our own (especially thousands of years ago), human beings don’t stand as good of a chance of surviving potential threats.

Emotions in today’s world

It’s quite clear that the world that we live in today is radically different from that of our primal ancestors’. Our modern-day dangers, like the loss of a job or home, being bullied, excessive demands from school or work, car accidents, arguments with friends, or family discord, require us to respond differently than we would to a predator. However, when we encounter these modern-day stressors, our automatic physiological and emotional responses often occur in a similar fashion to how they would if we encountered primal threats to our survival - as if our lives are in danger. The “fight, flight, or freeze” response, which was is an emotionally-driven response intended to protect us from death, can be activated even when we have a disagreement with a friend. Thus, in today’s world, it is quite often the case that our instinctual emotional responses do not fully align with the more actual needs of the modern-day situations we encounter, which are typically much more nuanced (and less likely to be characterized by true danger of death). Every human being has experienced emotions that do not match the needs of the situation. There is nothing wrong with you (or me) when this occurs - looking at it through an evolutionary lens, it is actually quite natural.

However, despite the natural tendency to experience emotions that may be arise in us more intensely than would necessarily be helpful, it is still our responsibility to learn how to respond to situations (and our emotions) in ways that are healthy and effective - so that we can truly understand and take care of our needs, and build a life that feels satisfying and meaningful. This is no easy task. When emotions burn intensely, and we don’t understand why they are here or what to do with them (or we over-identify with and “become” them), we often engage in reactive, avoidant, or self-destructive behaviors. It makes sense to act on emotionally-driven avoidance urges when they are signaling true danger of death or harm (for example, the panic or fear that causes strong urges to escape, and helps us to immediately jump out of the way of an oncoming car!), but to automatically react to or avoid all painful or uncomfortable emotions will spell trouble. Numbing ourselves with TV, alcohol, food, or dissociation often lead to short-term relief, but more pain and suffering in the long-term. Withdrawing from or escaping the world or those in our lives leads to short-term relief, but more pain and suffering in the long-term. Lashing out or reacting impulsively in response to anger or fear leads to short-term relief, but more pain and suffering in the long-term. You get the point. These automatic, avoidant ways of responding to emotions are be hard to free ourselves from, given our instinctual drive to avoid pain and feel “better” (or at least, not so “bad). But when we take pause, and if we are honest with ourselves, we know our needs are not truly met when we act in these ways - in fact, we often have unintentionally acted in ways that prevent our needs from being met, and further entrench us in our suffering.

What is Needed

We have to learn how to turn towards, understand, tolerate, and eventually accept emotional discomfort in order to intentionally and effectively respond to our needs. Even if our emotions do not seem to fully match the requirements of the situation, I believe that there is almost always something of value that they are pointing our attention towards. We yearn to feel safe, secure, cared for and loved. We yearn to feel valued and worthy. We yearn to know that we belong, and an integral part of something bigger than ourselves. These are often the needs that our emotions are pointing us towards. When these needs are not truly being met (whether that be due to an internal or external cause, or both), we will feel emotional discomfort. And thank goodness for that. Because it is signaling our attention to what matters most to us. When we can learn how to truly attend to our needs, and understand how to work with the signals that come from within, we are in a position of empowerment. We can consciously respond to our lives. This is the practice of a lifetime.

How can we do this? How can we begin to emotions in a more self-supportive way? The first step is to understand that our emotions are here for a reason. They are not our enemies. They serve an important purpose, but understanding how to sit with, and listen to them, is key. If we are fearful of our emotions, or do everything we can to remove or distance ourselves from our uncomfortable emotions, it is incredibly difficult to learn from our life experiences, or to deepen our understanding of what is truly needed in our most vulnerable, painful moments. We miss an opportunity to learn about ourselves. But when we are no longer afraid of what comes from within - when we can begin to better understand and make peace with our emotional “signals” - we can learn how to attend to the needs that our emotions are truly a reflection of. It is our responsibility to ourselves, and to others, to learn how to soothe and care for ourselves in the ways that matter most. Remember, we all want to feel safe, loved, and at peace. Ask yourself, what will truly bring more of what you deeply need into your life? How can you offer yourself a safe, loving presence, while you feel scared, hurt, sad, alone, or angry? What will care for the needs of your body, mind, and heart, in ways that are tender and self-loving? In ways that do not cause you additional harm, or cause you to feel “stuck” in suffering? It is okay if the answers to these questions do not come easily to you. You are not alone in that. These are skills that we need to learn - and that many of us were never taught - these are the emotion regulation and inner-parenting skills that require guidance, repetition and tremendous patience, as there will be many missteps and falling back into old, pain-avoidant or reactive ways. But the path of making peace with our emotions, better navigating our inner world, and ultimately making peace with ourselves, is so very, very worthwhile. When we have learned how to truly care for ourselves, others, and our planet, perhaps then, we have entered into the next stage of evolution in our experience of human emotion.

Mindfulness: A Path Towards Well-Being

Written by Lauren Helm, Ph.D.

“Mindfulness is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience. It isn’t more complicated than that. It is opening to or receiving the present moment, pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is, without either clinging to it or rejecting it.”

— Sylvia Boorstein

Automatic Pilot & Reactivity

What guides you in deciding how to act from moment-to-moment, and day-to-day?  When you come to a fork in the road, how do you decide which direction to go?

It is easy to go through the motions of our day without conscious awareness, paying little attention to why we are doing what we are doing, and what is happening around us. We go through routines so automatically that it is not uncommon to wonder where the time went, feeling almost as though we were not really there. Have you ever driven somewhere, only to realize once you’ve arrived that you barely remember driving at all?

So much of what we do happens on automatic-pilot. The automatization of cognitive, emotional, and behavioral patterns is the brain's way of conserving valuable and finite cognitive resources. When we repeatedly do a behavior over and over again, automaticity tends to develop, and when we overlearn a helpful skill, we are aided in more efficiently and effectively navigating a complex, ever-changing world. Without the automaticity of the habits we develop, simple tasks would take inordinate amounts of concentration, energy, effort, and time. We would have little time and energy left to invest in weighty, complex tasks, and it would likely be very difficult to survive, let alone thrive.

The downside of automaticity is that it is also characterized by little awareness, intentionality, and controllability (Bargh, 1994). When we act with little awareness, intention, or control, this is typically not a recipe for success in difficult or challenging situations that require us to respond with care, precision or finesse. Automatic responding is often reflexive, reactive, impulsive or careless. Everyone acts reactively at times, whether it is by reactively lashing out at a loved one after a stressful day at work, or distractedly overlooking important details on a project, or missing a turn on the way home from work.

Automatic pilot is a habitual way of responding, and when much of our life is lived reactively, we can be robbed of the fullness of life that we desire, because we are disconnected from the present moment - we are not fully attending to what is happening right here and now.

Moving Towards Mindfulness

Although we are rarely are fully connected with the present moment, mindfulness can help bring us back to the “now.” When we are more fully present in the moment, we can make mindful decisions, and take intentional, grounded action. We can connect with the fullness of life (good and bad) that is offered to us in each passing moment.

But what is mindfulness, really? Mindfulness is a concept that originated in Buddhist philosophy thousands of years ago. Recently, mindfulness has been growing in popularity within the West and has become the focus of a growing body of research, which has found that mindfulness-based interventions appear to powerfully promote psychological resilience and well-being. Jon Kabat-Zinn, who started the widely-researched Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program, has coined one of the most commonly used definitions of mindfulness in the psychological field: 

“Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way; On purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.”

— Jon Kabat-Zinn

In breaking Kabat-Zinn's definition down, we can see that mindfulness has three major components, all related to how we pay attention. Our attention is what we use to observe and participate in life experiences. When we are mindful, our attention is:

1.    Intentionally or consciously focused (as opposed to unconsciously or mindlessly-driven)

2.    Focused on present moment (as opposed to the past or the future)

3.    Nonjudgmental of what we observe (as opposed to judgmental, non-accepting, resistant, or avoidant/reactive)

In other words, mindfulness is not as much about WHAT you are paying attention to, as it is about HOW you are paying attention to it. Mindfulness is about the process, as opposed to the content of your experience. The content of your experience is important, of course. However, mindfulness is about establishing a conscious, nonreactive stance towards the full range of your experiencing of life. It is about changing your relationship with your experience. You become more aware of and open to it, as opposed to shut down or disconnected from it. 

From my personal practice and professional training in mindfulness, I've learned that ultimately, mindfulness is also a way of being. It is a practice of consciously and compassionately “tuning in” to aspects of my present moment experience.  I may choose to widen or narrow my attention, and where to direct it -- whether my attention is finely pointed or expansive, observing inner or outer experience, all will do. Mindfulness is about the quality of my awareness of the moment. It allows me to more directly “experience” the moment in various ways, as I learn to allow and embrace what occurs, as opposed to rigidly attempting evaluate, restrict, or control it. Mindfulness has helped me to reconnect with the power of choice. When I become more fully aware and accepting of what is happening in the moment, I have the ability to more consciously and compassionately choose how to respond, which prevents reactive, ineffective responding, and unnecessary suffering. Mindfulness has lead me to experience more connected interactions with people, places, my career, and sense of purpose. 

Take note that mindfulness is not about getting rid of pain. It is not about just learning to relax, or to reduce stress. Though relaxation is often a side-effect of mindfulness meditation, it is not guaranteed, nor is it the purpose.  Mindfulness is powerful precisely because it changes how you experience difficulty, and teaches you to observe and “sit” with discomfort, instead of avoidantly struggling with discomfort and suffering as a result. Mindfulness is the opposite of avoidance – it is about embrace.  By changing your relationship with emotional or physical pain through being mindful, often, you become more open and receptive, enhancing your relationship with the joys of life as well.

The Psychology of Mindfulness

From a behavioral and psychological standpoint, mindfulness training allows us to alter and shape the way we habitually attend to various internal and external stimuli. It creates shifts in our attentional-patterns or habits in reacting to the environment. We become better able to respond effectively to unpleasant and pleasant stimuli, in part because it prevents a downward spiral of negative emotion (which would be created by perceiving unpleasant thoughts, emotions, or physical sensations as threatening and therefore distressing). Our capacity to widen our attention and non-reactively respond to perceived of pleasant and unpleasant stimuli in strengthened. When the presence or absence of internal stimuli are no longer judged as threatening or distressing, more of our cognitive and attentional resources can be directed towards responding in more effective ways in accordance with our short and long-term goals. Our behavioral repertoire becomes more varied and flexible, particularly as we are reinforced through the natural consequences of our actions. Essentially, mindfulness can help us to improve our emotion regulation abilities and improve the quality of our lives. 

Mindfulness Meditations & Exercises

“The best way to capture moments is to pay attention. This is how we cultivate mindfulness. Mindfulness means being awake. It means knowing what you are doing.”

— Jon Kabat-Zinn

There are various types of mindfulness exercises and meditations that can help cultivate a state of mindfulness. Mindfulness is an attentional-control skill, and like any skill, it takes repeated practice for it to become powerful and accessible. To develop the skill of mindfulness, you can practice mindfulness meditations or exercises by focusing your attention intentionally and nonjudgmentally on different aspects of your external and/or internal environment:

Practicing Mindfulness of Your External Environment

Your external environment is what surrounds you - it is whatever is located and/or happening outside of your mind in the here and now (i.e. the room you are in, the chair you are sitting in, the people that surround you, etc.). You are always interacting with the external environment by perceiving and interpreting it with your senses. When you are first starting to learn and hone the skill of mindfulness, it is often helpful to begin by focusing your attention your body's experience of the environment you are in, because it is more concrete, and may help you to root your awareness more fully in your body and become grounded in the moment. You can practice mindfulness meditation that is focused on an aspect of your external environment (i.e. the world around you) that you can perceive with your body's five senses:

• Taste (notice the taste in your mouth, or of a particular food or drink item)
• Touch (notice the feel of air moving into your lungs, the weight and texture of an object in your hand, the temperature of the room, the pressure of your body on the chair, etc.)
• Smell (notice the scent or lack of scent of anything, including flowers, the room, nature, city, etc.)
• Hear (notice the tone, pitch, volume, etc. of sounds in this room, outside, in your body, etc.)
• See (notice the colors, light, patterns, shapes, definition, of objects in this room or outside, etc.)

Practicing Mindfulness of Your Internal Environment

You can also practice mindfulness meditation that is focused on an aspect of your “inner,” private experience. Your internal environment is comprised of whatever is generated internally -- these are our inner reactions that only we can directly observe. It can be difficult to practice a mindful "observer" stance towards our internal experiences, but extremely valuable for promoting psychological resilience, because mindfulness can help us "make space" for and non reactively move through painful internal events. You may practice mindful awareness of: 

• Thoughts (notice the positive or negative valence of the thought; notice whether the thought is a word or image; notice the frequency, duration, intensity of the thought; label the type of thought, etc.)
• Emotions (notice the presence of the emotion in your body, notice the associated urges or impulses, notice the frequency, duration, intensity of the emotion, notice the ebb and flow of emotion, notice thoughts associated with the emotion, etc.)
• Physiological sensations (notice the qualities of the physical sensations such as pain, pleasure, or neutral sensations; notice your relationship with these sensations, notice their frequency, intensity, duration, and ebb and flow, etc.)

Mindfulness may be strengthened through formal (planned) & informal (throughout your day) meditation practice. Informal mindfulness meditation practices may include the practice of mindful awareness throughout the day (e.g. mindfulness of physical sensations while taking a shower, mindfulness of body movements while putting the dishes away, mindful listening while in a conversation with someone close). Formal mindfulness exercises usually are planned exercises, such as mindful meditations that last 10-30 minutes and are practiced during a set time throughout the week. When you are first starting to learn mindfulness, it can be helpful to practice formal mindfulness exercises that are guided by an instructor or guided audio recording so that you can learn the technique. Mindfulness meditation can be quite challenging because it requires us to return our attention to aspects of our experience that we usually dismiss, ignore, or actively want to avoid. However, with regular practice our level of skill improves, and mindfulness becomes a more balanced and psychologically healthy way of relating to our daily lives.

As we come to a close, I'd like to share an example of a commonly taught body-scan mindfulness meditation exercise. This meditation can help you to bring your awareness more fully back into your body, anchoring yourself back in the present moment. You might try making a recording of yourself reading this mindfulness script so that you can listen to the recording to help guide you through the practice.

Body Scan Mindfulness Exercise:

"Begin to gently bring your attention to your body as it sits in the chair in the room. Move your awareness to the parts of your body that are making contact with the chair and floor. Try to cultivate an attitude of openness, and curiosity of your experience, right now. You can approach this as if you have never experienced it before. What does it feel like, where your lower back is pressed against the chair? Feel the surface area, an imagine an outline of the parts of you that are making contact with the chair.

What sensations do you notice? Observe the degree of pressure. Notice the temperature of your skin in this area of your body. Observe any sensations that may be present for you. If there are no sensations, that is okay. Observe that. Your job is only to observe and to notice.

If your mind has wandered to other thoughts or experiences, notice this, and gently bring it back. Now move your attention down to your feet. Notice your feet, imagining your attention is fully exploring them, inside and out. The outlines of your toes, the balls of your feet, your heels. Breathe your awareness into this part of your body.

Just notice this part of your body. Notice any sensations that are there. Perhaps there is comfort, or there is discomfort. Try to not attach your attention to any sensation, but imagine breathing into it and allowing even more space for that sensation to be there. Whether it is pleasant or unpleasant, just allow it to be.

Expand your awareness now, widening it to include your entire body. Allow it to envelop your body, connecting with your body, in its entirety, at this moment. Breathe, and just allow yourself to become aware of yourself, in your body right now. Perhaps there is difficulty or this comes with ease. Either is okay. Just allow yourself to notice your experience right now, letting go, releasing, and just letting it be without needing to do anything to change it. Just let it be.

Begin to notice the sounds in this room. Take a few deep breaths and wiggle your fingers and toes. Slowly begin to open your eyes at a pace that is comfortable for you as this exercise comes to a close."

Thank you for reading! If you'd like to speak with Dr. Lauren Helm, a licensed clinical psychologist at Rise Psychology, for help with integrating mindfulness into your daily life, please click here.

Follow Rise Psychology on Facebook or Twitter (@risepsychology). 

References

Bargh, J. A. (1994). The four horsemen of automaticity: Intention, awareness, efficiency, and control as separate issues.

Gu, J., Strauss, C., Bond, R., & Cavanagh, K. (2015). How do mindfulness-based cognitive therapy and mindfulness-based stress reduction improve mental health and wellbeing? A systematic review and meta-analysis of mediation studies. Clinical psychology review, 37, 1-12.

Kabat-Zinn, J., & Hanh, T. N. (2009). Full catastrophe living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain, and illness. Delta.

Khoury, B., Lecomte, T., Fortin, G., Masse, M., Therien, P., Bouchard, V., ... & Hofmann, S. G. (2013). Mindfulness-based therapy: a comprehensive meta-analysis. Clinical psychology review, 33(6), 763-771.

Wyer, R. S. (Ed.). (2014). The automaticity of everyday life: Advances in social cognition (Vol. 10). Psychology Press.

Resources

American Mindfulness Research Association

www.goamra.org

Mindfulness in Businesses

www.huffingtonpost.com/news/mindfulness-business/

Mindfulness in Schools

www.mindfulschools.org

5 Research-Backed Ways To Connect with Well-Being

Written by Lauren Helm, Ph.D.

Feeling off-balance or disconnected from your well-being? There are many ways to reconnect -- here are just 5 research-backed practices that may help you cultivate a state of wellness.

Connect with the Moment through Mindfulness

Connect with mindfulness and rewire your brain! Mindfulness is the practice of attending to the present moment with curiosity, non-judgment, and compassion. How does mindfulness help? Dr. Daniel Siegel explains how regularly connecting with mindfulness practice can have a lasting impact on brains and thus, our well-being. In his article about the science behind mindfulness, he says, “studies show that the ways we intentionally shape our internal focus of attention in mindfulness practice induces a state of brain activation during the practice. With repetition, an intentionally created state can become an enduring trait of the individual as reflected in long-term changes in brain function and structure. This is a fundamental property of neuroplasticity—how the brain changes in response to experience.” Growing evidence points to the wide-ranging benefits of mindfulness practice. Check out this list of research articles compiled by the American Mindfulness Research Association (AMRA) for more information about the science behind mindfulness.

Ready to practice? 

Check out these websites for free, downloadable mindfulness exercises:

§  UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center

§  UCSD Center for Mindfulness

§  MindfulSchools.org

§  MindfulSelfCompassion.org

Connect with Your Breath

Heart rate variability is the natural variation in the heart rate that occurs when we breathe in and out, and has been linked to psychological and physical well-being. Heart rate variability biofeedback trains you to breathe at a rate that that creates physiological “coherence,” or resonance, which may maximize heart rate variability, and result in enhanced well-being. Research generally finds that breathing at a rate of 6 breaths per minute maximizes heart rate variability (Lehrer & Gevirtz, 2014; Lehrer & Vaschillo, 2008).

Ready to practice? 

HRV biofeedback therapists and personal biofeedback devices may help you to become more aware of your physiology and help you to regularly practice this type of beneficial breathing. Rise Psychology offers biofeedback therapy with Dr. Lauren Helm, who is certified biofeedback. Local, certified biofeedback therapists may also be found by searching the Biofeedback Certification International Alliance directory. There are also wearable devices such as the newly developed Spire, or devices that you can use with your computer to practice at home, such as the devices created by HeartMath.com. A biofeedback therapist or device will help guide you in taking steady, smooth, regular belly breaths in and out (usually lasting approximately 5 seconds for inhalation, and 5 seconds for exhalation for a rate of 6 breaths per minute). Daily practice of resonant frequency slow-breathing may lead to improvements in heart rate variability, along with enhanced emotional and physical resilience.

Connect with Physical Activity

Regular exercise has been shown to enhance mood, and often can help those with depression or anxiety. Even just 5 minutes of exercise can provide an immediate boost in your mood. If exercise isn’t usually your thing, try to start out small and slowly build your way up so that you aren’t turned off from continuing to engage in physical activity. It may help to identify what type of physical activity feels most enjoyable and agreeable to you. Some individuals may be drawn to aerobics, others to strength training, and others to gentle stretching. 

Ready to practice? 

Whatever type of physical movement or activity you decide to engage in, try to find something that works for you (i.e. is the least aversive, and most enjoyable). Even a brief walk outside in the sun may help! You can also think about what type of setting is most supportive for you and conducive to exercise. For some, a solo-jog may be what is needed. For others, joining a gym or signing up for a yoga class may help keep them accountable and allow them to connect with others. Get in touch with what is most likely to set you up for success and try it out!

Connect with Gratitude

Gratitude can powerfully affect our well-being. Gratitude “recasting,” or finding ways to look at difficult situations in a different light that fosters gratitude, can help you get through difficult times and improve your well-being. Says Dr. Robert Emmons in his article about how gratitude works, “…telling people simply to buck up, count their blessings, and remember how much they still have to be grateful for can certainly do much harm. Processing a life experience through a grateful lens does not mean denying negativity. It is not a form of superficial happiology. Instead, it means realizing the power you have to transform an obstacle into an opportunity. It means reframing a loss into a potential gain, recasting negativity into positive channels for gratitude.”

Ready to practice? 

Try out gratitude journaling: Start out by making a list of at least 5 things that you are grateful for in your life right now. You can practice this on a daily basis. For an added challenge designed to stretch yourself: Work your way up to writing 5 pages of different things that you are grateful for. For a summary of more information about gratitude and ways to connect with it, read this article.

Connect with Altruism: Contributing to Others

Practice random acts of kindness to increase your own well-being: a study found that spending as little as $5 on someone else can increase your happiness. Altruistic acts may not enhance your well-being if you are performing them because you feel like you ought to or have to. Reflect on the intent that is driving why you are engaging in pro-social behaviors, and also pay attention to how you are participating in the moment.

Ready to practice?

Read this article to learn more about ways to make giving feel good. Practice random acts of kindness. Or share your appreciation or a genuine “thank you” with a colleague, friend, or loved one. There are many ways to contribute to others, and engaging in altruism may not only help you to reconnect with your sense of well-being, it may possibly even improve the life of another.

For more resources regarding gratitude and altruism, check out UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center.

If you'd like to speak with Dr. Lauren Helm, a licensed clinical psychologist at Rise Psychology, for help with restoring your psychological well-being, please click here.

 Follow Rise Psychology on Facebook or Twitter (@risepsychology). 

Reposted from Center from Stress and Anxiety Management blog: http://www.anxietytherapysandiego.com/blog/2015/5/11/five-research-backed-ways-to-reconnect-with-your-well-being#commentsWrapper

Feeling Lost in Anxious Thoughts & How to Find Your Way Again

Written by Lauren Helm, Ph.D.

We’ve all felt anxiety at some point in our lives (likely many times over, in fact), though perhaps it manifested in different ways. You may have noticed the rapid increase of your heart rate, faster, constricted breaths, the growing tension in your shoulders and neck, cold or clammy hands, or unease in the pit of your stomach. The experience of anxiety is unpleasant, to say the least, and as it builds, it certainly has a way of getting our attention.

Anxiety Has a Purpose

Why do we experience the uncomfortable sensations of anxiety? From an evolutionary perspective, fear and anxiety (two related but slightly different emotions) have a function: they keep us alive. More specifically, fear and anxiety are emotions that occur in response to a perceived threat. When we believe that something may harm us or is dangerous, we feel these emotions and they motivate us to protect ourselves from the danger, typically either by avoiding or escaping the threat.

Without fear or anxiety, we may not react to truly dangerous situations in an adaptive way, and thus not survive as a species. Imagine walking along and crossing paths with a Grizzly Bear. It certainly would not be helpful to feel no fear, and to feel like running up and hugging it! Our emotions give us invaluable information about the environment and about what actions we should take to protect our survival, based on how we feel.

Cognitive Errors

As incredible as our brains are, they also are prone to errors. We are not always able to accurately assess the true amount of danger (or safety) that may be present in our surroundings. Sometimes this means that we may miss a true threat that was present and suffer the consequences. However, in our modern day society, more often than not we experience the opposite – we overestimate the true amount of threat and thereby experience excessive anxiety as a result.

The problem with excessive anxiety is that it can negatively impact the quality of our lives in multiple ways. Prolonged, pervasive anxiety has an impact on our physical well-being, in addition to our psychological well-being. Chronic stress and anxiety can lead to a deterioration of optimal physical functioning, preventing your immune system, digestive system, and heart from performing the best that they can. Chronic anxiety may also interfere with your ability to sleep, eat, and generally function as you’d like to in life.

Depending on the context, anxiety may be an adaptive or problematic force in our lives.  In excess, the symptoms of anxiety can be overwhelming and interfere with our quality of lives, and thus it is often a worthwhile use of our time to become well-versed in the “language” of anxiety. Namely, how does it appear, and why? Once I understand anxiety, what can I do about it?

There are many different theories about what causes problematic anxiety, but this blog will focus on how anxiety may be developed and maintained by certain unhelpful thinking patterns. Cognitive distortions, or inaccurate thinking patterns, typically feed anxious feelings. They also may lead to avoidant behaviors, which perpetuate anxious thoughts and feelings. When the cycle of anxious thoughts, feelings, and behaviors occurs outside of our awareness, we can be left feeling baffled and as if our lives have begun to spiral out of our control. 

Perceived Threat

From an evolutionary perspective, it can be considered advantageous to be very sensitive to possible threat. In other words, our primal ancestors were more likely to survive if they very quickly and accurately responded to potentially dangerous situations. However, in modern day, an over-active threat-detection system can become burdensome. A low threshold for perceiving threat (i.e. situations very easily feel threatening) and an attentional bias to threat (i.e. focusing and narrowing your attention on potential dangers that surround you) can be a constant source of anxiety. Our threat-detection threshold and anxiety-proneness may be partly genetic, but it also is likely a result of having a previous experience that was stressful, anxiety-provoking, or traumatic. Our brains generally keenly remember frightening experiences so that we will readily detect the warning signs in the future and be better able to avoid encountering a similar potentially dangerous situation again. It makes sense that our brains are designed to work this way, but it also means that we have to cope with the surge of anxiety that comes from many "false alarms."

Catastrophic Thinking

Another thinking pattern that feeds anxiety is called catastrophic thinking. Catastrophic thinking occurs when our mind jumps to imagining worst-case scenarios when we are uncertain about an outcome. For example, our mind may imagine that our loved one has been involved in a car accident because they still haven’t returned home 30 minutes after they said that they would. Catastrophic thoughts may also be hidden from our conscious awareness, but still cause us to feel anxious and on edge. Catastrophic thoughts are often triggered by uncertainty and the unknown, and are attempts at anticipating and (ideally) preventing or avoiding very painful, negative imagined outcomes. 

Probability Overestimation

Furthermore, probability overestimation occurs  along with catastrophic thinking – this is when we overestimate how likely it is that the “worst-case scenario” has or will occur. When we are feeling anxious, we often feel very certain that the worst-case scenario will occur even though realistically-speaking, the chances are much lower (or are little to none) that what we fear will actually happen. This feeling of certainty that the negative outcome will occur motivates us to take action to prevent it from happening ("it's better safe than sorry!"). Unfortunately, we may anxiously expend significant energy and time trying to prevent something that is not actually like to happen at all, without finding substantial or long-lasting relief. 

Worry

Worry and catastrophic thinking go hand-in-hand. When we worry, we dwell on the many possible negative “what if” scenarios, and use extensive cognitive energy to plan for or prevent these potential future threats from occurring. In moderation, planning for future threats can be helpful, but when it begins to take excessive time and energy (which is quite exhausting), it becomes maladaptive and interferes with your ability to function optimally. More often than not, the cost of worrying exceeds the benefits (it may become a waste of energy) and actually feeds the anxiety that it is intending to placate. Because worrying tends to happen in the form of verbal or analytical thinking and planning, it is thought that worrying can act as a form of cognitive avoidance that prevents full processing of emotions associated with catastrophic thoughts. Excessive worrying that is difficult to control can cause us to be constantly on-guard and on-edge, leading to muscle tension, concentration & sleep difficulties, and trouble relaxing. Worrying can also be self-reinforcing - if we believe that we thwarted a negative outcome because we worried (a coping strategy, of sorts), we will most likely engage in worrying again in the future. Unfortunately, worrying rarely pays off in the way we intend for it to.

These are just a few ways that our patterns of thinking can create and maintain anxiety, leaving us feeling trapped in our minds. Now we will explore strategies intended to help individuals suffering from anxiety develop more adaptive ways of responding to anxious thoughts, so that they can get unstuck. We will explore two evidence-based treatments provide strategies for managing unhelpful, unproductive thinking patterns.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) identifies how certain types of thoughts or ways of thinking in response to perceived threats actually create more difficulty for us, and potentially lead to anxiety, stress, low mood, and other problems. Simply put, situations do not cause negative emotions; our perceptions of them do.  

Some of the unhelpful or inaccurate patterns of thinking (cognitive distortions) related to anxiety include catastrophic thinking, probability overestimation (overestimating the likelihood of a negative outcome), worry, filtering out the positive and only seeing the negative, jumping to conclusions, mind reading (thinking you know another person’s intent for acting in a certain way, when this may not be true), personalizing, and black and white thinking. CBT therapists help individuals to alleviate the consuming nature of anxiety by using various strategies to address these cognitive distortions.

The various approaches that are used in CBT to deal with these types of “inaccurate” thinking patterns have historically served a common purpose: correct and change the “thinking errors” that create anxiety. Over time, CBT has evolved and has placed more emphasis on helping people to generate more flexible, adaptive thoughts and responses to their thoughts. Instead of merely trying to replace one problematic thought with a more helpful one, CBT can help an individual to generate more balanced and healthy thoughts, and more easily identify and non-reactively respond to problematic, anxiety-provoking thoughts.

In other words, if you notice that you are thinking in inaccurate ways, it is likely best to recognize that it may not be helpful to act on this inaccurate thought, and better to generate a new, alternative way of thinking about the situation that helps you to successfully reach your goals. Instead of trying “not to think” a thought (suppressing or shut out a problematic thought), modern versions of CBT emphasize helping you create more thoughts that are based on a more balanced review of available information, and are informed by your goals in a particular situation. Cognitive rigidity, or getting stuck in one narrow way of thinking, is usually what contributes to us further being consumed by anxious thinking and behaving. Thus, CBT encourages you to increase your cognitive and behavioral flexibility (working towards developing a wide range of thinking and responding).

Cognitive Restructuring

Cognitive restructuring is a CBT intervention that helps individuals get “unstuck” from the “mind traps” that thinking errors create. Socratic questioning is often used to help facilitate cognitive restructuring and get at the truth. This approach is usually built into CBT therapy sessions to help change problematic thinking patterns.

Here is an example of methods you might use with a therapist to "restructure" a problematic thought:

1. Identify and write down the "hot" or emotionally-charged thought elicited in response to a particular situation.
2. Challenge the thought (i.e. “Is this a realistic thought?” “Is it helpful?”) and write down your answers.
3. Explore and write down the objective evidence for or against the thought (i.e. What are the facts? Has this happened before?) to discern whether the thought is accurate or not.
4. Identify other possible alternative explanations that are based on the facts in order to put the thought in perspective.
5. Generate and write down a new, balanced, and more helpful thought about the triggering situation from which to act on. 

Decatastrophizing

To more specifically target catastrophic and probability overestimation, thinking traps that fuel anxiety, decatastrophizing is a cognitive restructuring technique that is very helpful for providing perspective and relief. Decatastrophizing helps to reduce the believability of catastrophic thoughts, which as mentioned above, often feel much more likely to happen than they actually are.

If you feel trapped in an anxious thought loop, you may try using decatastrophizing. A therapist trained in decatastrophizing can help you work through catastrophic thoughts that are particularly difficult for you to unhook from.

The first step of decatastrophizing is to more clearly uncover the catastrophic thoughts and negative core beliefs that are often lurking beneath surface-level anxious thinking. Specifically, the downward arrow technique is used to dig below the automatic thoughts that we are consciously aware of to get at the core negative beliefs that are driving our anxiety. For each thought that is uncovered, it is followed up by a "What If" prompt, such as "If that were true, then what would that mean? What does your mind tell you will happen?"

Here is a hypothetical example of how the downward arrow technique might be applied for someone struggling with social anxiety is as follows:  

• Client: "I feel super anxious about going out with this new friend because I'm afraid I'll say something stupid."
• Therapist: "If you did say something stupid, then what would happen?"
• Client: "If I say something stupid, then they may think I'm stupid, and not like me."
• Therapist: "If that were to happen, then what would that mean?"
• Client: "If they thought I was stupid and didn't like me, then that might mean that I am unlikeable"
• Therapist: "What does your mind tell you would happen then, if you were unlikeable?"
• Client: "Well then no one would like me. I would have no friends. Actually, my mind is telling me that I would never be able to make friends."
• Therapist: "And then what? What would that mean? What's the worst case scenario?"
• Client: "If I didn't have friends, it would feel like I've lost everything - I would be miserable. I think it would also mean that there's something wrong with me. Something fundamentally flawed to make me unlikeable. That would be terrible"
• Therapist: "And on an emotional, experiential level, how likely does it feel that this would actually happen? How real does it feel?"
• Client: "Oh, like 98-100%"

By uncovering core catastrophic thoughts, and probability overestimation, we get a sense of what the client was actually guarding against by not going out with her new friend - facing the fear that she was fundamentally flawed, and thus would not be able to retain any relationships in her life. Usually, catastrophic thoughts and core beliefs like this drive entrenched anxiety and other painful emotions. By clearly identifying what thoughts are really behind our emotional and behavioral reactions, we can more directly and effectively challenge them. 

The second phase of decatastrophizing can then move into nonjudgmental questioning and testing of these thoughts. Questioning the actual likelihood that these anticipated outcomes will come true by evaluating factual evidence that supports or does not support these thoughts, helps our minds begin to absorb in important information: whether or not we are likely to face these worst case scenario outcomes at all. Additionally, by bringing emotionally-charged thoughts more fully into our conscious awareness, and seeing what they are really made of, their believability and charge is diminished. Another component of decatastrophizing entails inquiring about and planning for how you would be likely to respond, even if the worst-case scenario were to happen.

• Therapist: "Based on the facts of your past experience, have you ever experienced having everyone dislike you before? Have you lost all of your friendships and relationships with others?"
• Client: "Well, no, I've lost a few friends before, but that wasn't because they thought I was stupid, as far as I know, we just realized we didn't have a lot in common. I guess I've never lost all my friendships, especially not all at once or forever - I've always had at least someone in my life, or connected with someone new later down the line."
• Therapist: "Based on the evidence, how likely would you say it is that you would actually lose all relationships in your life?"
• Client: "Haha, well in reality, it seems like it's pretty unlikely. Probably like 0-3% likely to happen."
• Therapist: "What would have to happen for you to actually lose all relationships in your life, so that you were never able to make any more friends?"
• Client: "Gosh, I guess it would have to take something really big...actually, I'm not really sure there would be something that would guarantee I had no friends, unless I just stopped wanting them entirely, which I don't really see happening..."
• Therapist: "And if you actually did lose all of your friendships at one point, how could you potentially cope and respond? How have you gotten through something similar in the past?"
• Client: "I probably would keep making the effort to put myself out there the best I could. Maybe make sure to go to events with people that are more likely to be nonjudgmental, and have similar interests in me. If I had trouble with it emotionally, I could go back to therapy and or support groups. It would be really hard, but I'd find a way."
• Therapist: "What's a new way of looking at this upcoming time out with your friend?:
• Client: "Well, now I realize more fully that I don't actually risk as much as I thought I would. If it goes well, great, but if not, it's not the end of the world. I feel in my gut that I will always have the connection I need, with someone. I guess it's worth the risk to go and try out this experience, and who knows, maybe I'll have some fun?"

In this example, by the end of the exercise, the client's negative beliefs were put in perspective and objectively evaluated, given her the chance to obtain healthy distance from the thought that she may risk being rejected not only by this new friend, but all others in her life. The downward arrow technique and thought-challenging could have also been applied to the belief that the client was fundamentally flawed or unlikeable, which caused her to feel unsafe in herself and her relationships. There are many ways that these cognitive restructuring strategies can be used to help free ourselves from the anxiety-labyrinth created in our minds.

Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) guides individuals in becoming aware of not only their thoughts, but also their enmeshment, or fusion, with these thoughts. Cognitive fusion refers to how much we believe our thoughts, and thereby grant them power and “reality” in our lives. We often forget that every thought filters how we see the world, and dramatically impacts our direct experiencing of life. Regardless of how “true” our thoughts may be, they are still just thoughts.

Cognitive Defusion

Thus, ACT therapists help individuals practice cognitive defusion, reducing our entanglement with our thoughts. In other words, by taking our thoughts less literally, we learn how to become less attached to and controlled by our thoughts. We learn how to see them for what they really are. A thought is just a thought, an electro-chemical reaction. Thousands and thousands of thoughts stream through our minds per day. With ACT, we learn how to give them less power over us, and take back the power of choosing which thoughts we want to listen to (for example, being guided by a thought that supports us in acting in valued ways, as opposed to avoidant ways). With ACT, we focus less on changing the thought itself, and more on changing our relationship with the thought. We learn to relate to thoughts as just thoughts, products of a very active mind, instead of products of reality. Holding our thoughts lightly, seeing them from a healthy distance, and responding to them nonjudgmentally can allow us let them go so that we can get out of our minds and back into our lives.

Cognitive defusion techniques are practices that help us achieve this aim. These techniques may include exercises such as:

• Labeling your thoughts "I am having the thought that..." or "I notice that my mind is having a judgmental thought."
• Singing your anxious thought out loud (or in your mind) to the tune of a silly song (like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star or any other song of your choice) 
• Thank your mind for the thought, such as "Thank you mind for that thought. I appreciate your contribution but I got this."
• Repeating an anxiety provoking word over and over in your mind until you begin to hear it as just a word
• Ask what the thought is in the service of. Is it in the service of your values or in the service of avoidance of discomfort?
• Watch your thoughts: Imagine your thoughts are like a news scroll reel, constantly streaming information that you can watch from a distance.
• Practice mindfulness of your thoughts, such as using the Leaves on a Stream mindfulness meditation.

These are just a few ways that cognitive defusion can be promoted, helping us to take our thoughts less seriously, leaving them with less power over us. When our thoughts have a less powerful hold on our experience, they become less threatening. We then have more freedom to invest our attention and energy elsewhere. For a more comprehensive list of cognitive defusion techniques, visit this list on the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science's website.

Additionally, ACT asserts that we have limited control over which thoughts or emotions we experience. The problem is less in the content of our thinking or feeling, and more in what we do with these thoughts or emotions, or how we relate to them. In other words, we can change our relationship with our thoughts so that we can focus our energy on what is truly worthy and important to us, instead of using most of our energy on trying to simply manage or reduce unpleasant thinking. 

In sum, awareness of our thinking patterns is often the first step, and changing how we approach our thoughts is the next step along the way of healing and wellness.

These two approaches may resonate differently for different people. Both CBT and ACT are evidence-based treatments for anxiety, and can help those who struggle with the reign of anxiety get back into living full and meaningful lives.

If you are interested in having assistance with unhelpful thinking patterns, Dr. Lauren Helm is trained in both CBT and ACT. If you'd like to speak with Dr. Lauren Helm, a licensed clinical psychologist at Rise Psychology trained in exposure therapy, please click here. 

Follow Rise Psychology on Facebook or Twitter (@risepsychology). 

References

Barlow, D. H. (2004). Anxiety and its disorders: The nature and treatment of anxiety and panic. Guilford press.

Behar, E., DiMarco, I. D., Hekler, E. B., Mohlman, J., & Staples, A. M. (2009). Current theoretical models of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD): Conceptual review and treatment implications. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 23(8), 1011-1023.

Beck, A. T., Emery, G., & Greenberg, R. L. (2005). Anxiety disorders and phobias: A cognitive perspective. Basic Books.

Ellis, A. (1962). Reason and Emotion In Psychotherapy. New York: Lyle Stuart

Hayes, S. C., & Smith, S. (2005). Get out of your mind and into your life: The new acceptance and commitment therapy. New Harbinger Publications.

Sibrava, N. J., & Borkovec, T. D. (2006). The cognitive avoidance theory of worry. Worry and its psychological disorders: Theory, assessment and treatment, 239-256.

Whalley, M. G. (2015). Self-help tools for panic. Psychology Tools

Resources

http://www.webmd.com/balance/guide/how-worrying-affects-your-body

http://www.apa.org/divisions/div12/rev_est/cbt_gad.html

Cognitive Distortions and Restructuring Handout:

http://www.reconnect.salvos.org.au/common%20mindtraps.pdf